What will the New Year bring???

Hello Friends, Family, and who ever else that wants to stumble upon this blog,

I am sitting alone on Christmas eve enjoying the rest I need. My heart is hurting from the past few weeks but with still much peace that I can not explain. It has been a slow, restful but hard vacation with much wondering of how this new year will turn out.

It is funny this vacation was so fly by the seat of my pants I didn't even think for a moment how any one else would feel about me being in Idaho. I have had many encouraging messages from some of my closest friends. Telling me things the Lord has put on their heart when they read our blog or when they prayed for Joel and I. It has been great confirmation. And then there are those other people that think there is something terrible wrong with Joel and I. Which is not the case at all. We are actually doing fabulous and look forward to the day we are back together again. There has also been those that do not agree with my vacation or my handling things in California. It has thrown me for a loop.

My Oldest sister was one of them. I love her to death and she didn't know anything that had went on. So one day in the car with just her and I, she said "Dess you need to learn how to handle stress better when you get back. Everyone has stress in their life and you need to think about how you are going to deal with it when you get back" Oh what a conversation we had!!! So I explained my situation and the things going on. She would give pointers then I would explain even more what happend. It was funny by the end of the car ride all she could say was "Well I guess the Lord is preparing you for something ahead!"

I just laughed for any one who knows what is going on says the same thing. The EXACT SAME THING. "The Lord is preparing you for your future."

Yes He is. I have to agree. So What could this year bring. Oh the only thing I look forward to is that God will be in the middle of it. He will be my center for anything to come. So I just laugh and say "Have your way Lord. Have your way. . . . Here I am . . . Have your way!!!"

I do Hope that all of you have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. And when you go to write your resolutions for this year make sure you put God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit at the top. For the only way you could ever get through life is the Strength He gives us. The only way to be have true VICTORY is to receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior to accept his Love, Joy, Peace, Patients, Kindness, goodness, faithfulness, Gentleness, and self-control. With those gift we can be more than a conquorer in this life.

I love ya'll
Dess

2 years down

Well it's hard to imagine it but we've been blogging for 2 years to the day. I hope that everyone who checks in on our blog has appreciated being able to know what's going on in our lives from time to time. It's been a long time since i personally have written. Many of my creative juices just haven't been flowing lately. A lot of things that i used to do as hobbies i don't do anymore. I also have been finding it harder and harder to open up to people. I'm a lot less likely to talk about myself or what's happening in my life than i've ever been in the past (and for those of you who have know me well, that means that i'm not saying much at all!!) So as i write this, i'm fighting conflicting feelings.

It's easy to write about what's been happening. To tell you all about what's new and exciting in our lives, but the deeper stuff remains deep. Well, this isn't turning out to be much of a post. I'm writing to let you know that i'm not going to let you know what's going on. That sounds pretty lame!!

Okay, well life has been challenging lately. There have been struggles and as Dess said there have been ups and downs. This is the first Christmas that i'm going to be spending alone like this. I try not to think about it much because there is a sense of loneliness. I've had plenty of offers from people to spend Christmas with them since Dess isn't going to be here. But i would rather do nothing than try to have a "holly jolly time" without her. I don't know if that makes sense. Plus i'm want to be around to talk with Dess and our families on Christmas Day. I am looking forward to having a day off where i can just hang out with our pets and talk on the phone. I think it'll be alright. There are other people in the warehouse, so if i get too lonesome i can always seek them out.

Sorry that i don't have too much to say. I hope you understand. It just seemed significant that we started blogging 2 years ago, so i just had to write something.

joel

This season of Peace!!!

As the song goes with Kirk Franklin and Jill Scott singing "I've been up -I've been down, I've been looking for some joy to come around. I've been praying for some sunshine-been lookin for a love that I can call mine. See I've cried-for so long and I'm ready for these tears to be gone- So I am calling on you-right now because You said Lord that I can make any how."

It has been one of the hardest seasons in my life lately. Oh I am sure I forget the pain of other seasons in my life and how hard it was to got through them. But I feel I have been in darkness. The darkness has stressed me out. Not knowing how to act or how to respond. Keeping a lot of things in side. Not wanting to sin in my emotion. I know it says "Do not sin in your anger" But for the most part I haven't been angry. Maybe mad but frustrated mostly. These frustrations have turned into stress. And for some reason my body took that stress and has made me ill. I thought I was sick for so long. Even pregnant at one point. But coming to the realization and Revelation from My God I was sick with throwing up and stomach aches because I was so stressed.

It got worse and worse. Again not knowing how to deal. I tried talking with people who are wise in the Lord but felt there were no answers each time. Revelation yes but not full on answers I needed. There would be peace for a while but for the most part I couldn't find answers just turmoil so I assumed it was a season for me and God to be alone. To grow, to persevere, to be more like Christ.

How do you be a person like Joel who is like a duck and lets things roll of their back. I am like a sponge - I soak it in and don't know when to squeeze it out. And you can't act like the rest of the world with quarreling and strife. For the Lord called all of us who are born again from life to death from the old person to a new creation. You learn not to have a tantrum with people but then again when there are no rules that apply for situations how are you supposed to respond. For the most part all I could do at the time was keep my mouth shut and Remember what God taught me. That it is about forgiving one another just as in Christ God forgave us and it is about Love and Mercy. If we have not Love we are a resounding Gong, a clanging symbol.

So what happened-I lost it. I feel like a person that needs to go to a place where other people have lost it. And I feel so dumb. Can I tell you that. I feel dumb dumb dumb. I really don't want attention. I felt horrible when Joel had to tell Don and Sondra that I need to get away asap and WHY. (the biggest part is WHY) They have so much on their plate. They don't need this. No one does. But I guess it needed to be done. And to tell people at church or with the food ministry. I am glad Joel is taking care of all of it because I can't handle it and don't want the attention of explaining myself. That I feel is the worst part of all. The why. So I am just not talking about it any more (the why) and taking it to God.

So what happened. Joel did the most loving thing a husband could do: Send me away from things so I could rest and have peace and work things out for myself. It was so the most unselfish thing in the world. I want to cry just telling you. Because of all of this and Joel seeing I needed to get away for a while Joel and I will be separated for 3 weeks over 2 awesome holidays.

But you know what that blows my mind being here at home. I have peace beyond anything I thought I would have. I have peace being away from Joel, I have peace that we will be separate over the holidays, I have peace that I am supposed to be here for this long. I can't even believe it. It is the most wonderful gift God has given me. Not that I am away but that I have peace with being away from Joel that surpasses all understanding which guards my heart and my mind. I am thinking more clearly my heart is at rest. It is God saying he approves and wants me here to be with him. I know I will be spending time with my family these two holidays but I know it will be more of spending those two holidays with God and being with him and Seeking his face. It is this deep communion I haven't had for such a long time that I needed and need so much. Wow it was like ordained by God and I thought it was a fly by thing. I praise My Father who has granted me this gift of peace.

Side Note (You know so many times people want "Blessings" and all they talk about are material things. Prosperity. It makes me sad. Because as Kirk Franklin puts it so well "The first things to prosper should be inside of me" The first blessings people should think about is heaven and then love joy peace patients kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness and self-control. Those are the blessings that make it seem when life throws at you yucky stuff that you can still be MORE THAN a CONQUORER

So any way. I have peace. With much sadness. But I would rather have sadness mixed with the peace of God than ungodly sadness and hurt.

So that is where I am at. Just wanted to let everyone know. I don't really want to talk about anything. So here is all I would like to share.

I love ya'll very much and thank God that He is a great and Loving God who cares for all his Children and he knows them by name.

Love,
Dess

PS Please pray for Joel at this time. He needs your prayers while I am away.

Silent Season

The Lord has put on my heart that as of now this is the season for the war cry. I see a lot of things happening around me and it is heart breaking. Every where I go, every where I turn in my life there is a battle to be won. I have found that words do not help, that emotions just cloud everything, so it is time to stop what I have been doing and to fall to my knees and fight.

I have started reading the Power of a Praying wife. And though most of the book is praying for your husband I find myself praying for me and Joel. The first chapter talks directly to the wife and to pray for yourself. I have now started praying that prayer every day. And when I don't I see myself get more irritated, more annoyed, and more responding in the flesh. For a long time I thought Joel had been the one who was in the wrong for stupid little things but now I see it is me and I need prayer more than anything.

Relationships have been hard too. And work and everything else that involves my life or is in direct contact with my life. Right now prayer is the only answer and it is helping big time. SO I haven't been as talkative lately and haven't been responding normal lately but it is just the season I am in. The season of prayer and of war.

There is a man that has been on fire for the Lord through the food ministry at his church and for the children's ministry. Everyone loves him. About two months ago he had a whole family move in with him and his family. The bills went sky high and they weren't making ends meet. When the family left because they found a place our Friend was hurting because of all the bills. Then the Lord provided 800 dollars. Our Friend praised God and cried and gave his Testimony. But then a week later the worries of his bills gave in again and he decided to leave for 3 months to go get a job 6 hours away that would pay his bills. It left a huge void in the food ministry and the children's ministry. Now he is talking about moving his whole family to where he is and leaving his church God has called him too. My heart breaks. For he has the fatherly instincts to provide for his family but He doesn't see that God is his ultimate Father and He will take care of our friend. That times seem tough now but God is there and is pleased with him and that this is the enemy's trap for getting away from what God has called him to do.

My Heart Breaks. Father God we need you. Lord help us to know that you will take care of us. That even when things look bad you have our back. Help us to know that we will never be an adult to you but always your child and that as YOUR child you take care of our food and shelter and every other need and even wants we have. Lord help us. We need you, we love You, change us. IN Jesus Name Amen.
Love you guys. Never stop worshiping Him for He takes care of all!!!

WARNING

WARNING: The next blog is extremely long. You may want to come back another time and read it or I would suggest getting a hot beverage or popcorn. It is as dramatic as some of the soap operas on TV.

Thank you for Veiwing.

Publisher,
Dess Butler

Praising God in the midst of Uncertainty

Hello Everyone,

I have been longing to write this knowing that the end of the month was coming. Knowing there would be something to glorify God at the end of the month of October. Here is my story for October of 2007.

When October first came God put on my heart to have an outreach. The scripture He gave me was “the Harvest is Great but the laborers are Few.” So I started praying for the people’s hearts to be softened so when we did minister to them they would accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. During this prayer God spoke to me and said "No Dess the people are ready to receive me and my son you need to pray for laborers." I have to admit I was very hard-core at the beginning but when things were going my way, I didn't pray as much for Laborers. Isn't that funny. We pray when we want but a lot of times we don't pray until the task is done.

So I had in my head to have a free concert and free food. I knew a band and a parking lot (in the perfect location) and even a youth dancing team. I went to all these groups and each person in authority said yes they could do it. (I was pretty much throwing my fleece out and saying Lord if these four things come through I will do this outreach) My four things were: Hot dogs, the heavy metal Christian band, the parking lot and the dancing team. The groups all said yes to me with in three days. Also in those three days we had received more hot dogs at the warehouse than I have ever seen come in. I was like okay Lord I will go through with this, when do you want it? I was search for a date in my head, November, December, maybe even January. But I had no peace with those months. Okay Lord what do you want? My mind went to October. The end of October to be exact!! "NO Lord that is too soon. Don't you know we are busy and this church is doing this or it would be hard to do that. Give me more time" But the peace remained for the end of October. All I could say was YES LORD YES.

I did everything I could getting arrangements ready, timing ready, people ready. During the first three weeks (Which I only had 4 weeks total) everything was running really smooth besides the fact that the youth dancing group couldn't make it but I knew of another one and they were pumped to go.

At the end of the third week I get an email from the Pastor letting us use their parking lot stating: I am sorry we are going to have to cancel your event we have a tree planting ceremony that day. I am sorry, if you want we can try this later.

I had to decline for the Lord said the end of the month and if He said the end of October I wasn't willing to be disobedient. During this time my pastors wife came up to me and said she wanted to introduce a Christian rapper to me that would love to outreach. I was stoked because I had wanted a rapper but only told one other person this who was in Stockton CA not Los Angeles CA. We talked and he was pumped too. Praise GOD!!! RIGHT??

So I pushed with everything I had to find a place to do this event at. The second place I found was a low-income apartment. It was too perfect . . . . . . . in my mind.

These people barely had food in their cupboards, they were from all different religions, and backgrounds, and some didn't have furniture in their apartments. I was blown away. To be able to bring the Love of Christ to them filled me with great Joy. And the park we were going to do it at was the center of these apartments and they had barbecues. My Lord, you did it again . . . So I believed with everything in me.

But four days later I get a call saying I am sorry this is too short notice we need more time to plan and we don't know you. But if you give us 2 weeks we will do this. Again I declined. I could not go against what God said about having it at the end of the months and two weeks would put us in November. Also I thought we need to plan, but everything is ready: Food, Music, People. What more could they want. OH well.

Again during this time Joel and I were in the car one night heading back from Church. I started speaking. “Joel I think one of reasons God wants us to do the event is because there is going to be a natural disaster happening and we need to give them Jesus so if they die they will be able to go into heaven.” I wanted to give more details but I thought it was sounding kind of funny and Joel would laugh at me. But it came to my mind later that a disaster would happen and we needed to give Jesus.

So for the next week I tried everything I could to find us a place to have the outreach. During that week the fires broke out in California.

Lord is this why we are having the outreach because of the natural disaster to reach out with your love??

Can I tell you I tried 10 to 20 places and all denied me. 90 percent said the same thing. If you would have told us sooner we would have done it but why don’t you push it back and we can still plan it and do this outreach together. My response for all NO THANKS.

The last saddest try was from a lady who said her church was ready for us they had a community center and fire evacuees ready to have the concert and eat the food we collected. They would have barbeques for us and everything. I asked her straight out, “IS this a FORSURE thing.” Oh yes it is already for you.

So I called the band they canceled on me saying it was too last minute down to the wire. The funny thing is nothing had changed. The date and time were the exact same just location was different. Again their response “But we will do it with you in the future” AHHHHHHHH

So I talked to my pastor two nights before the event was going to happen because that is when the band canceled on me. I said there is a for sure deal, in which we could help and minister to fire evacuees. He was pumped and excited and called everyone he knew from our church and different churches and got it all worked out. People were coming, the dance team plus a our churches singing group was coming. People were so EXCITED.

That night the lady calls and says what about you guys doing it in Mexico I said no thanks we want to do it where we had said originally.

The next day I email her my decline for Mexico and she writes back saying “Mexico was a back up plan if our original plan didn’t work”

WHAT, I THOUGHT THIS WAS FOR SURE!!!!

That afternoon a pastor from Mexico calls my pastor and me saying I am sorry you we have a small church and we can’t pull this event off. How could you think of asking us at such short notice why don’t you come to Mexico and do the outreach.

I was so mad. MAD MAD MAD MAD!!!! And hurt. SO I had to tell my pastor and he canceled everything. I was crushed. Embarrassed even ASHAMED. I actually wanted to die. I wanted to leave this earth and go to heaven already.

That night we had to go to a mandatory church service. I went but Joel and I hid from everyone. I still had peace but I was so ashamed. Thinking about everyone excited to help those who were hurt by the fire (emotionally as well as materially) How the teens were excited and had been ready. Oh it was a dark hour for me. I wanted to curl up and die.

The lady who had offered the community center earlier called me again and said there was a parking lot we could have with a shelter for fire evacuees down the road we just had to show up. My Friend checked to see if the shelter was open. The shelter was going to be closed the day we had planned to have the outreach. IT wasn’t going to open for evacuees until Monday. By that time everyone had canceled on me besides Friend Ships crew plus two people from church. There were 8 of us still game to helping with the fire. We knew God always did the impossible even if we stood on the side of the road with our barbecue, we knew God would be with us. And at this time even though we didn’t have any entertainment God had blessed us with 600 meals (hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs, pizza, and shredded chicken, all combined to service 600 meals)

What were we going to do with that???

In-between all of this there was a group from Washington State that had called Friend Ships saying they were going to bring down a team to feed people for the fire disaster. I had kept putting them to the side thinking maybe they were an option. They were going to feed first response people and fire men. I wanted to feed evacuees.

But in the end they turned out to be our only open door. We found out they only had 5 people feeding 1000 meals a day to marines, army, any military helping with the fire all firemen and more.

SO Sunday the 6 of us went, the other two are very involved with church and had obligations so they couldn't make it. We brought a huge truckload of food. Apples, cucumbers, grapes, bread and 600 meat meals, and the list goes on. We drove the Friend Ships truck down to where the church set up shop to feed the people.

Can I tell you I was disappointed because we didn’t minister to any one, one on one. But it was still good. The day before Friend Ships crew got there the Washington Church had fed a lot of fire men. The church team had served soup the day before we got there and the smoke had caused some firemen to have a sore throat that they couldn’t even swallow the soup .

John Bibler was one of the Friend Ships crew that came to help feed and he took me to an evacuation sight. I thought he meant a town that was evacuated and I could take pictures. OH NO, he meant a shelter. I was freaking out “John we can’t go in there, we don’t have permission” "OH COME ON," he said.

We went in with a huge box of flowers for the people the red cross volunteers were so touched and John asked if we could come in and do balloon animals for the kids. The people were happy for us to do this. I blew up the balloons and John made them into balloons animals. It was my favorite part of the whole outreach. The kids were so cute. Some of the people spoke Spanish and English. So there was this one little girl that John and I couldn’t understand so I thought she spoke Spanish. She would say something so I said “You want a bear” “NO” “You want a puppy” “NO” She was getting madder and madder and she was only 3 or 4 with this much anger. Wow. Finally I understood. “PUT IT AROUND ME” She wanted the balloon as a belt. So John made a dog head and put it around her little waist. She wanted another one around her waist, but there was no room since she was so little, so John put it on her head. She wasn’t impressed. Oh well.

Then there was another littler girl who was about 12 or 13 she had grabbed a huge thing of roses and was parading them around. She even had one of her friends taking pictures of her as if she had won a beauty contest. I was able to get a picture of her. She was so cute.

So what did I learn? I learned that I have to do what God says no matter if it works out or not. I am responsible for my own actions.

I learned that If you give a cup of water in Jesus name God is pleased so even if I didn’t minister to any one and tell them about Jesus I still gave a whole truck of food, a box of beautiful flowers, and blew up balloons for balloon animals all in the name of Jesus. Today I prayed for everyone that received food, flowers and balloon animals that they would all call on the name of Jesus and be saved.

I don’t understand what God is and was doing. I may never. But God is still my God and He is on the Throne. I will not take Him off. Though I am hurt and still working through things I know God spoke clearly to me and even though things didn’t turn out either because God wanted it to end the way it did or because people said no to God I know it is okay because God was with me the whole time. I still haven’t faced my church and I dread it though it was out of my control. I still feel ashamed.

The Lord is my God. The rain falls on the Just and the unjust, and the sun rises on the good and the evil. Bad things will happen in this life but never stop loving or obeying God.

Gods little servant,

Dess

Cheesecake and Jesus

Sorry It has been so long since writting. Life is getting crazier and crazier.

SO my parents came down for my Birthday and to spend the week with Joel and I. The worked with us and helped up give out food on food ministry day. It was so much fun and miracle after mircles happened while they were with us.

During the week we got a call that one of our food contacts had plums for us so Mom and I jumped in the truck and headed for the Food Bank and we picked up 6 tri-wall bins of plums. Wow

But on Thursday we received word that the rest of our food contacts didn’t have anything for us (THIS IS VERY USUAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REPEAT VERY UNUSUAL). So all we had for Friday Food Ministry Day was plums, a half of pallet of grapefruit and a half pallet of pears that we had from the week before and of course bread. It was so disappointing for one reason only: my parents were here and I wanted them to see the food ministry in full action. Otherwise it would have been fine to have what we did.

On Thursday Port Mercy (our Home base in Louisiana) called to give me a list of food items they needed for there upcoming medical mission in October. Two of the items were pies and cheesecake. They wanted Ray to try and contact our sources for those two items. I went to Ray and asked if he would contact his cheesecake company. Ray’s Response “We haven’t had a cheesecake contact since ’93.” “Well can you call your Pie Contact.” “Dess do you know how impossible that is. I can call the guy 50 times and he still won’t return my call. I had even called him last week and I still haven’t received a call back.” “Ray just call to at least say we tried, Please!!!!” I begged.

10 Minutes later “Dess you will never believe this I just called my Pie contact and the guy actually picked up the phone and said they have 6 pallets of pies for us.” Ray was in full shock. Flabbergasted you could say.

45 Minutes later on our answering machine “Uh Yes this is Ashley calling for Ray George, at the food bank we have cheesecake if you guys would come pick it up.” So whatever word would describe more than flabbergasted, that is what Ray was for the rest of the day while he and I went around picking up all the goodies.

So Ray and I went to the food bank not knowing how much cheesecake they had and we found out they had 20 pallets of the wonderful stuff. We ended up picking up 8 pallets. We were able to put a lot of cheesecake and pie away for Lake Charles as well having some to give out for Friday. Can I tell you we never even mentioned to the Food Bank we wanted cheesecake? It had only been an hour or more since I had talked to Port Mercy that the Food Bank then called OUT OF THE BLUE and said they had cheesecake for us. So Not only did God answer our prayers for the mission trip but we had a huge blessing for the food ministry and my parents could see more of what we did. God is so Good.

But just to add a little more humor to this praise report. The day we received all the pies and cheesecakes my parents took Joel and I out for my birthday. And they told the waiter it was my birthday. I was like “oh no they are going to sing to me.” But Praise God they didn’t and they did bring dessert. I am sure you can guess what they brought: CHEESECAKE.Thank you Lord for not only supplying our wants but in abundance.

Wow and my parents were blown away when we gave out the food to the groups, churches, and individuals. But my parents were more blown away by the prayer that each group recieves as they came to get the food.

It was so wonderful having my parents here. It was really sad to see them go.

So life here is hard but good. It is just like weight lifting. You have a goal of lifting as much weight as possible but you don't just go over to the heaviest weight and lift it. NO NO NO. You work up and push your self further each week. That is what I feel has happened over the last 4 years. GOd has been working us up to us being here as well as future things God has for us. And each time it was harder but God made us stronger and now that we are here it is REALLY REALLY REALLY hard but we have the strength to do it. Now if you would have given us this mission 4 years ago I would have probably of walked away from it along time ago. But praise God He knows what is best for us and will prepare us if we let Him.

It is hard in that we don't have friends here. Sure we talk to people all the time. But no one we can just share what we are truly going through. We need companionship. I am sure missing a friend. Some one that will understand me and pray with me and encourage me in the Lord. Most of the people we talk to, we are encouraging them in the Lord and they don't understand what we go through. There was one time I tried to share what I was going through with a lady that picks up from us. She kind of freaked out and didn't understand and then told almost everyone we give to what I was going through. Now a lot of people are coming up to me and telling me rumors they have heard. SO I have come to the conclusion that the people we give food to we can't confide in because we are the ones they look up to and need prayer from. So who is there. No one at this time. God and Joel are my only friends. But it may just be a season where God wants me all to himself. It happens. It has happened before, it can be now. God is trully all I need and will not hold anything good back from me. So I just lean on Jesus and say AMEN.

SO here are some pics of the food ministry.

HOPE CHAPEL PRAYING BEFORE GIVING OUT FOOD

LADIES FROM A CHURCH PRAYING FOR A WOMAN
BOXING PLUMS

A GRANDMOTHER AND CHILD RECIEVING FOOD

Love y'all,

Dess