Hello Friends, Family, and who ever else that wants to stumble upon this blog,
I am sitting alone on Christmas eve enjoying the rest I need. My heart is hurting from the past few weeks but with still much peace that I can not explain. It has been a slow, restful but hard vacation with much wondering of how this new year will turn out.
It is funny this vacation was so fly by the seat of my pants I didn't even think for a moment how any one else would feel about me being in Idaho. I have had many encouraging messages from some of my closest friends. Telling me things the Lord has put on their heart when they read our blog or when they prayed for Joel and I. It has been great confirmation. And then there are those other people that think there is something terrible wrong with Joel and I. Which is not the case at all. We are actually doing fabulous and look forward to the day we are back together again. There has also been those that do not agree with my vacation or my handling things in California. It has thrown me for a loop.
My Oldest sister was one of them. I love her to death and she didn't know anything that had went on. So one day in the car with just her and I, she said "Dess you need to learn how to handle stress better when you get back. Everyone has stress in their life and you need to think about how you are going to deal with it when you get back" Oh what a conversation we had!!! So I explained my situation and the things going on. She would give pointers then I would explain even more what happend. It was funny by the end of the car ride all she could say was "Well I guess the Lord is preparing you for something ahead!"
I just laughed for any one who knows what is going on says the same thing. The EXACT SAME THING. "The Lord is preparing you for your future."
Yes He is. I have to agree. So What could this year bring. Oh the only thing I look forward to is that God will be in the middle of it. He will be my center for anything to come. So I just laugh and say "Have your way Lord. Have your way. . . . Here I am . . . Have your way!!!"
I do Hope that all of you have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. And when you go to write your resolutions for this year make sure you put God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit at the top. For the only way you could ever get through life is the Strength He gives us. The only way to be have true VICTORY is to receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior to accept his Love, Joy, Peace, Patients, Kindness, goodness, faithfulness, Gentleness, and self-control. With those gift we can be more than a conquorer in this life.
I love ya'll
Dess
Monday, December 24, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
2 years down
Well it's hard to imagine it but we've been blogging for 2 years to the day. I hope that everyone who checks in on our blog has appreciated being able to know what's going on in our lives from time to time. It's been a long time since i personally have written. Many of my creative juices just haven't been flowing lately. A lot of things that i used to do as hobbies i don't do anymore. I also have been finding it harder and harder to open up to people. I'm a lot less likely to talk about myself or what's happening in my life than i've ever been in the past (and for those of you who have know me well, that means that i'm not saying much at all!!) So as i write this, i'm fighting conflicting feelings.
It's easy to write about what's been happening. To tell you all about what's new and exciting in our lives, but the deeper stuff remains deep. Well, this isn't turning out to be much of a post. I'm writing to let you know that i'm not going to let you know what's going on. That sounds pretty lame!!
Okay, well life has been challenging lately. There have been struggles and as Dess said there have been ups and downs. This is the first Christmas that i'm going to be spending alone like this. I try not to think about it much because there is a sense of loneliness. I've had plenty of offers from people to spend Christmas with them since Dess isn't going to be here. But i would rather do nothing than try to have a "holly jolly time" without her. I don't know if that makes sense. Plus i'm want to be around to talk with Dess and our families on Christmas Day. I am looking forward to having a day off where i can just hang out with our pets and talk on the phone. I think it'll be alright. There are other people in the warehouse, so if i get too lonesome i can always seek them out.
Sorry that i don't have too much to say. I hope you understand. It just seemed significant that we started blogging 2 years ago, so i just had to write something.
joel
It's easy to write about what's been happening. To tell you all about what's new and exciting in our lives, but the deeper stuff remains deep. Well, this isn't turning out to be much of a post. I'm writing to let you know that i'm not going to let you know what's going on. That sounds pretty lame!!
Okay, well life has been challenging lately. There have been struggles and as Dess said there have been ups and downs. This is the first Christmas that i'm going to be spending alone like this. I try not to think about it much because there is a sense of loneliness. I've had plenty of offers from people to spend Christmas with them since Dess isn't going to be here. But i would rather do nothing than try to have a "holly jolly time" without her. I don't know if that makes sense. Plus i'm want to be around to talk with Dess and our families on Christmas Day. I am looking forward to having a day off where i can just hang out with our pets and talk on the phone. I think it'll be alright. There are other people in the warehouse, so if i get too lonesome i can always seek them out.
Sorry that i don't have too much to say. I hope you understand. It just seemed significant that we started blogging 2 years ago, so i just had to write something.
joel
Friday, December 14, 2007
This season of Peace!!!
As the song goes with Kirk Franklin and Jill Scott singing "I've been up -I've been down, I've been looking for some joy to come around. I've been praying for some sunshine-been lookin for a love that I can call mine. See I've cried-for so long and I'm ready for these tears to be gone- So I am calling on you-right now because You said Lord that I can make any how."
It has been one of the hardest seasons in my life lately. Oh I am sure I forget the pain of other seasons in my life and how hard it was to got through them. But I feel I have been in darkness. The darkness has stressed me out. Not knowing how to act or how to respond. Keeping a lot of things in side. Not wanting to sin in my emotion. I know it says "Do not sin in your anger" But for the most part I haven't been angry. Maybe mad but frustrated mostly. These frustrations have turned into stress. And for some reason my body took that stress and has made me ill. I thought I was sick for so long. Even pregnant at one point. But coming to the realization and Revelation from My God I was sick with throwing up and stomach aches because I was so stressed.
It got worse and worse. Again not knowing how to deal. I tried talking with people who are wise in the Lord but felt there were no answers each time. Revelation yes but not full on answers I needed. There would be peace for a while but for the most part I couldn't find answers just turmoil so I assumed it was a season for me and God to be alone. To grow, to persevere, to be more like Christ.
How do you be a person like Joel who is like a duck and lets things roll of their back. I am like a sponge - I soak it in and don't know when to squeeze it out. And you can't act like the rest of the world with quarreling and strife. For the Lord called all of us who are born again from life to death from the old person to a new creation. You learn not to have a tantrum with people but then again when there are no rules that apply for situations how are you supposed to respond. For the most part all I could do at the time was keep my mouth shut and Remember what God taught me. That it is about forgiving one another just as in Christ God forgave us and it is about Love and Mercy. If we have not Love we are a resounding Gong, a clanging symbol.
So what happened-I lost it. I feel like a person that needs to go to a place where other people have lost it. And I feel so dumb. Can I tell you that. I feel dumb dumb dumb. I really don't want attention. I felt horrible when Joel had to tell Don and Sondra that I need to get away asap and WHY. (the biggest part is WHY) They have so much on their plate. They don't need this. No one does. But I guess it needed to be done. And to tell people at church or with the food ministry. I am glad Joel is taking care of all of it because I can't handle it and don't want the attention of explaining myself. That I feel is the worst part of all. The why. So I am just not talking about it any more (the why) and taking it to God.
So what happened. Joel did the most loving thing a husband could do: Send me away from things so I could rest and have peace and work things out for myself. It was so the most unselfish thing in the world. I want to cry just telling you. Because of all of this and Joel seeing I needed to get away for a while Joel and I will be separated for 3 weeks over 2 awesome holidays.
But you know what that blows my mind being here at home. I have peace beyond anything I thought I would have. I have peace being away from Joel, I have peace that we will be separate over the holidays, I have peace that I am supposed to be here for this long. I can't even believe it. It is the most wonderful gift God has given me. Not that I am away but that I have peace with being away from Joel that surpasses all understanding which guards my heart and my mind. I am thinking more clearly my heart is at rest. It is God saying he approves and wants me here to be with him. I know I will be spending time with my family these two holidays but I know it will be more of spending those two holidays with God and being with him and Seeking his face. It is this deep communion I haven't had for such a long time that I needed and need so much. Wow it was like ordained by God and I thought it was a fly by thing. I praise My Father who has granted me this gift of peace.
Side Note (You know so many times people want "Blessings" and all they talk about are material things. Prosperity. It makes me sad. Because as Kirk Franklin puts it so well "The first things to prosper should be inside of me" The first blessings people should think about is heaven and then love joy peace patients kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness and self-control. Those are the blessings that make it seem when life throws at you yucky stuff that you can still be MORE THAN a CONQUORER
So any way. I have peace. With much sadness. But I would rather have sadness mixed with the peace of God than ungodly sadness and hurt.
So that is where I am at. Just wanted to let everyone know. I don't really want to talk about anything. So here is all I would like to share.
I love ya'll very much and thank God that He is a great and Loving God who cares for all his Children and he knows them by name.
Love,
Dess
PS Please pray for Joel at this time. He needs your prayers while I am away.
It has been one of the hardest seasons in my life lately. Oh I am sure I forget the pain of other seasons in my life and how hard it was to got through them. But I feel I have been in darkness. The darkness has stressed me out. Not knowing how to act or how to respond. Keeping a lot of things in side. Not wanting to sin in my emotion. I know it says "Do not sin in your anger" But for the most part I haven't been angry. Maybe mad but frustrated mostly. These frustrations have turned into stress. And for some reason my body took that stress and has made me ill. I thought I was sick for so long. Even pregnant at one point. But coming to the realization and Revelation from My God I was sick with throwing up and stomach aches because I was so stressed.
It got worse and worse. Again not knowing how to deal. I tried talking with people who are wise in the Lord but felt there were no answers each time. Revelation yes but not full on answers I needed. There would be peace for a while but for the most part I couldn't find answers just turmoil so I assumed it was a season for me and God to be alone. To grow, to persevere, to be more like Christ.
How do you be a person like Joel who is like a duck and lets things roll of their back. I am like a sponge - I soak it in and don't know when to squeeze it out. And you can't act like the rest of the world with quarreling and strife. For the Lord called all of us who are born again from life to death from the old person to a new creation. You learn not to have a tantrum with people but then again when there are no rules that apply for situations how are you supposed to respond. For the most part all I could do at the time was keep my mouth shut and Remember what God taught me. That it is about forgiving one another just as in Christ God forgave us and it is about Love and Mercy. If we have not Love we are a resounding Gong, a clanging symbol.
So what happened-I lost it. I feel like a person that needs to go to a place where other people have lost it. And I feel so dumb. Can I tell you that. I feel dumb dumb dumb. I really don't want attention. I felt horrible when Joel had to tell Don and Sondra that I need to get away asap and WHY. (the biggest part is WHY) They have so much on their plate. They don't need this. No one does. But I guess it needed to be done. And to tell people at church or with the food ministry. I am glad Joel is taking care of all of it because I can't handle it and don't want the attention of explaining myself. That I feel is the worst part of all. The why. So I am just not talking about it any more (the why) and taking it to God.
So what happened. Joel did the most loving thing a husband could do: Send me away from things so I could rest and have peace and work things out for myself. It was so the most unselfish thing in the world. I want to cry just telling you. Because of all of this and Joel seeing I needed to get away for a while Joel and I will be separated for 3 weeks over 2 awesome holidays.
But you know what that blows my mind being here at home. I have peace beyond anything I thought I would have. I have peace being away from Joel, I have peace that we will be separate over the holidays, I have peace that I am supposed to be here for this long. I can't even believe it. It is the most wonderful gift God has given me. Not that I am away but that I have peace with being away from Joel that surpasses all understanding which guards my heart and my mind. I am thinking more clearly my heart is at rest. It is God saying he approves and wants me here to be with him. I know I will be spending time with my family these two holidays but I know it will be more of spending those two holidays with God and being with him and Seeking his face. It is this deep communion I haven't had for such a long time that I needed and need so much. Wow it was like ordained by God and I thought it was a fly by thing. I praise My Father who has granted me this gift of peace.
Side Note (You know so many times people want "Blessings" and all they talk about are material things. Prosperity. It makes me sad. Because as Kirk Franklin puts it so well "The first things to prosper should be inside of me" The first blessings people should think about is heaven and then love joy peace patients kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness and self-control. Those are the blessings that make it seem when life throws at you yucky stuff that you can still be MORE THAN a CONQUORER
So any way. I have peace. With much sadness. But I would rather have sadness mixed with the peace of God than ungodly sadness and hurt.
So that is where I am at. Just wanted to let everyone know. I don't really want to talk about anything. So here is all I would like to share.
I love ya'll very much and thank God that He is a great and Loving God who cares for all his Children and he knows them by name.
Love,
Dess
PS Please pray for Joel at this time. He needs your prayers while I am away.
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