This was part of the reason I was so down but I didn't want to say it because I wanted to tell the story after good came through. This is from my Facebook notes so you might have already read it. It is long but worth every word to praise God!
This picture represents Hopelessness and all the feelings I had
when it happened. Hopelessness is one of the worst feelings. Even as a
believer you can still feel it at times. Doesn't mean it is true
because with Christ there is always hope. Even though that was my
feeling I had on this very fateful day my feelings were absolutely
wrong.
"So what happened?" you may ask. Well Joel and I
were doing our normal routine on Friday which is going to Tracy to pick
up a load of produce. We were driving on the free way when all of a
sudden a 15 passenger van with a big read trailer pulls out in front of
us almost side swiping us with his trailer. If it were not for Joel
swerving and slamming on the breaks we would have been hit. But out of
the frying pan and into the fire. Our breaks locked and they wouldn't
unlock. We were stuck on the free way with cars honking at us and
traffic piling up. Joel made a good decision in that moment and put it
in low gear and got off the free way.
When we parked Joel
jumped out of the truck to check for damages. Joel came running back
saying there was a fire. He grabbed our water jug. I jump out grab the
fire distinguisher but Joel told me water was better in this situation.
You see when the breaks locked up it caused friction which made the rim
so hot the paint on the rim started burning. There were small flames
and lots of smoke. I think that did it for me, emotionally.
We
happened to park at an international truck dealership and what do you
know our truck is an international. "Oh God," I thought "Did you bring
us here so they could help us?" You just never know with God so I went
in explained we were a non-profit with little to no money and to see if
they could come help. They sent a guy out and he looked at it but said
for a couple thousand dollars they could help. We didn't even have a
thousand in the account. When He walked away I felt Hopelessness creep
up and stay with me.
I walked off to talk to God about
it. "God what do we do" I said as I started to cry. "How do you want
us to handle this?" The only thing God asked was "Do you trust me" I
didn't have an answer for him at the time. He then told me to get back
to my husband. Joel was calling a tow truck.
More Hopelessness.
The guy was nice and without us even asking, after he dropped us off gave us a 50 dollar discount for the tow.
A little hope but still Hopelessness decided to stick around.
NOW WHAT?
After
we jumped in the bus to do another pick up I called our Stockton
parents to let them know we couldn't come to see them that night. Almost
every Friday we go to visit our Stockton parents. Said a few words but
didnt' explain too much.
I cried all weekend. More
Hopelessness. The truck was out of commission I prayed and all I got
from God on Saturday was we could fix it. I brought that up with Joel He
said we didn't have enough money in the account to even buy parts. I
cried more, More Hopelessness. It felt like a dead in.
You
see Joel and I have had many situations where there was no hope but God
and if God is all knowing and He is a loving Father then we don't need
to tell any one about our need except God and he will take care of it.
And you know what, time and time again God has come through without
anyone knowing we were in need.
But the Hopelessness came
from not knowing WHEN God was going to act. You see I trusted God that
in the end He would either have the truck fixed or get us another one.
That I didn't question but it was "the WHEN" that I cried about. We had
donation pick ups the following week, didn't God know that. Didn't he
know that the truck was our only means to pick up pallets of donations
to help people that HE had called us to help. Didn't he know that it
was like cutting off our legs and telling us to walk. It just wasn't
fair. So at church I went to the alter and I bawled. BAWLED and
BAWLED!!! I let go of my expectations, of my reputation I had with
other companies for being a reliable non-profit. For being able to drop
everything for a food company and be there in an hour. I gave that all
to God and said "God you are good. I surrender. I surrender and let go
of my expectation of you "needing" to fix it by Friday, giving you my
reputation of caring what others think and I believe You being good will
get to it when the time is right and you see fit even if that means
loosing all our contacts and having the worst reputation in town"
Now
that sounds dramatic but it was exactly where God wanted me and to show
me How little of control I really had at Supplying Needs that He truly
is CEO over Supplying Needs and He truly is the one calling the shots.
Well
after church I really wanted to see our Stockton Parents since we did
not get to see them Friday. As we were driving there I knew they would
have questions what happened but i didn't want to tell them because I
wanted God to have his way with the situation. I asked God if we should
tell them what Happened. God said yes. "But I don't want them to help
if you don't want them to. I am not going to ask for their help but what
if they see the need and want to fill it." I said. God then spoke to
me and said "Dess it doesn't matter if you tell them, I am the one that
chooses if a person helps or not. I may or may not put it on their heart
to help you but I do want you to tell them."
And that is
what we did, told them the whole story. And never said or asked "Will
you help us" Just told them the story. And you know what God did Put it
on their hearts to help. They payed for all the parts and came out to
help us Monday. They even found a Christian who owns a truck fixing
business to help us take off the tire. God used them mightily. And by
Wednesday the truck was all fixed.
Glory to God. Now I
don't want you thinking it was the people that came through in the
story. They did but in the end God is the one that was truly in control
and put it on the hearts of the tow truck driver, our Stockton parents,
and the business owner to help with God's organization.
In
the middle of all this going on I was talking to a friend about my
Stockton parents and said how bad I felt for even breathing a word to
Dad and Mom. (Even though God told me to) Do you know she said "Dess it
doesn't matter if you tell them God is the one that chooses if a person
helps or not. God may or may not put it on their heart to help you." I
didn't even tell her anything God had said about it. I knew God was
speaking once again reminding me that He is God!
So to all
that read this. God is Hope and He makes a way out of no way. He truly
is CEO, Big Boss, Head Honcho of Supplying Needs and I wouldn't have it
any other way!
God's Slave for Life,
Dess
