The Birthday Lessons

God has taught me a lot this week. Things have calmed down since the Grace has left for Israel which is really nice. When the crew left for Haiti it was more hectic so this time we are just kickin it. Don't worry we are still doing our jobs but it is really quiet here at Port Mercy.

So this week was my birthday. Thank you every one who participated in making it so great. I got wonderful things from people money, cards, presents. God really blessed me indeed but in the midst of the blessing I was a brat. Can I tell you the truth. Now if I was in a African-American church some one in the audience would say "COME ON PASTOR COME ON. PREACH IT LIKE IT IS." Man I miss VIP (Victory in Praise) in Stockton California. Can I get a "Get your praise on"

Any way so God really blessed me. With calls and love from people. But I got really disappointed when Joel didn't do what he had done for the past two years. Usually he wakes up earlier than me and does something to suprise me. So when he didn't I was totally bummed but then I was like no Joel has something don't worry it wil come. So all day more blessings came in. And then it was the end of the day for work and I was getting my hopes up. "Oh I know Joel has something for me." But can I tell you I also had plan B. (Plan B: If Joel had nothing planned and wanted to eat on the ship for my birthday I was going to grab my very very very good friend Kippin Johnson, Dress up in a fabulous dress she got me, and go out on the town with out Joel.) Needless to say he had plans to go out. So when we were getting ready I was scoping the room for a present or a card from him. Nothing, Nada, Nothing. So we were getting ready and he got dressed in a Tux (HE LOOKED GOOOOOOOOOOOOD) and I got dressed in my new dress Kippin gave me. While he was getting dress I was thinking oh there is probably a gift card in his pocket for me.

So we went out to one of my favorite restaurant in town, O'Charly's. It was fabulous. During dinner I brought up about the morning and how I was disappointed and then I asked if he had his present for me. Joel said . . .. NO. He didn't have a present for me. I almost started craying right there in the middle of the restaurant. I don't know why I get so excited for presents on my birthday. Well actually I was just expecting a present from Joel and that was it. Or something. So I didn't think about it for the rest of the night till we got back to our room. Then I started freaking out (being a brat) in my mind. I jumped in bed and starting ragging in my head.

How dare Joel not get me something. I am going to cry cry cry. He knows I love presents and suprises for my birthday. I deserve better than this. First the Israel trip which I trust God in and now no good birthday. This is horrible. (During this time Joel was getting ready for bed and my back was facing him and my front was facing the wall.

All of a sudden God started rebuking me like no other. "Dess that is enough. Don't you dare show Joel how you feel. He feels bad enough about this. There will be times where he will really mess up with you and I will be on your side to defend you but not this time. You are having a pity party stop it this second. Don't say a word to Joel about this. Say you love him and go to bed with out throwing a fit" I did what God told me to do. Told Joel I loved him and went to sleep.

You would have thought that would be enough. All the other times God has rebuked me I do a 180 and stop what I am doing. Oh no not for this. The next morning I got up to spend my God time and I started going at it again.

This Time I was crying and weeping, weeping and crying. OH this isn't fair. Whoa as me. Cry cry, fuss fuss me me me. This time God was more upset. "Dess that enough. You are exalting yourself and only thinking about you. If you were humbling yourself I would have sympathy towards you. You need to be humble. The verse went through my head "God gives grace to the humble but opposes the proud." Then God said so kindly. How many husbands would get dressed in a tux and take their wives out for dinner. Name some couples. I tried but I couldn't think of a single couple. I named both my sisters and my mom for never having that in their lives. I knew God was right. Even after all that I told God: This is not fair. But I wanted to humble myself. How Do I humble myself. God then started softening my heart and changing it to be humble. I haven't grumbled and complained since then and have felt very blessed about my birthday and how well Joel treated me.

That morning when Joel and I went to morning refreshing we were shown a video of one year after Katrina and how many people were with out. How they had lost everything in the storm and were still rebuilding their lives. I felt worse after watching the video and realizing what a brat I was for my birthday. I then asked God to forgive me and humble me even more. I have never called God unfair before that day and I did it in a very poor manner. For God is never unfair. He is always just and right in everything He does and will always be just and right.

So that was my birthday lessons. I learned even more how blessed I really am. With so many people to love me. How many people I have in my life that are not just a pass byer but really love me. I also realzied even more that I have the most wonderful Husband in the world who treats me like a queen. More than many women could even hope for. I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and doesn't send the lighting bolts to strike me down when I am bad but even in the midst of my tanturm he will still talk to me in Kindness though I do not deserve it. I have also learned where in my life I need to grow up and humble myself. So this year's birthday was rich in lessons and in love.

I hope this doesn't totally shock you guys about me. I know I am shock that I would ever act this way but I hope some one can learn from this.

Have a blessed day. And let that person that you see every day know how special they really are and how much you do appreciate them.

Love all of you,
Dess

PS can I say this has been the hardest blog to put out for me sinec it was so raw and full of the sinnful me. Yikes Sorry if it scared you guys and you never want to talk to me again. Totally understand.