Breaking up is Hard to do

Hello Everyone,

I hope all is well. For Joel and I we are hurting really badly in our hearts. (no we are not breaking up) Most of our crew is leaving for Israel today. The sad thing is there is only 4 more days until Joels and my immigration interview after our interview we can leave to any country we want. So we are left behind from going to Israel. The only thing I can describe it as, is the feeling of breaking up with your first love. The pain you feel every time you see them. The looking back and your expectations.
It is hard and painful. I do wish they were gone already. Looking at the ship and people that are still here that are going to Israel is like a knife in the heart. Joel and I have huge hearts to help the poor and needy. We love Israel. We love any country but we love Israel.
I want to cry I want to bawl but God said not to cry. Don't know if he will let me but Father knows that is best.

It is so complicated. Our interview is in 4 days, God can move mountains why not hold up a ship. Or why not have our interview at the end of september so that we would of had less expectations to go to Israel. Actually my true question to God is this. In Psalms it says if you delight in the Lord he will give you the desires of your heart. Most people thinks that means if you want a car he will give it to you. It actually means when you delight in God he changes your heart to have desires that He has for things. Like blessing Israel. So I am like God you gave me this Desire. (I know on my own achord I would never want to go to a land that is in the middle of war or be on a ship with 46 other people for 30 days not being able to get off) So since I delight in you why do you give me a desire I can not have as of now. Or are you going to make a way.

The most awesome thing is I am not mad or hurt at God. Or anger frustrated jealous; this situation has made me grow and trust God more. I trust God's decisions and His motives. I trust God if he wants me to stay. I say God you give and take away but I will still say BLESSED BE YOUR NAME. For even if I don't acknowledge you are good, you still are. SO I will say GOD YOU ARE GOOD. Thank you thank you. I guess my prayer right now is that Other people would see what JOel and I are going through and still call God Good as we are.

I read Sarah's blog and it made me think why does God do such things. I feel in a sense Sarah Joel and I are asking the same questions to God but going through different things. We may not have the same emotional feelings or the same situtation but I do think we are asking God similar questions. Why God do you allow other people to go through things we want to when it looks like we could handle it better than they could. Our motives are pure and we have all the right things needed to do what we have in our hearts to do while other people don't have the right movitives or it looks like they can not handle it why do they get to go through the very thing we want to do.

I guess I can say from my prospective is God you know what is best. may I bless and honor your decisions you make for my life. For when I said GOd I believe in Jesus and I want to have him be my Lord (boss) for the rest of my life I gave up all rights to chose where I would go what I would say and do. Now God gives us choices but if he says go here I must go.

Does it hurt to do God's will at times. Heck yeah. any way I could go on and on. But Sarah I guess what I wanted to say is: I am feeling for you. I don't know exactly what you are going through I am not feeling your exact feelings but I feel for you and will pray for you and what you and paul are going through.

Is God Fair. Yes. Does it look like He is fair No. Am I glad it looks like He is not fair. Heck yeah or I would think all of us would go to Hell

Love you all. Thank you for your prayers.
GOD IS GOOD,
The Butlers