Praising God in the midst of Uncertainty

Hello Everyone,

I have been longing to write this knowing that the end of the month was coming. Knowing there would be something to glorify God at the end of the month of October. Here is my story for October of 2007.

When October first came God put on my heart to have an outreach. The scripture He gave me was “the Harvest is Great but the laborers are Few.” So I started praying for the people’s hearts to be softened so when we did minister to them they would accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. During this prayer God spoke to me and said "No Dess the people are ready to receive me and my son you need to pray for laborers." I have to admit I was very hard-core at the beginning but when things were going my way, I didn't pray as much for Laborers. Isn't that funny. We pray when we want but a lot of times we don't pray until the task is done.

So I had in my head to have a free concert and free food. I knew a band and a parking lot (in the perfect location) and even a youth dancing team. I went to all these groups and each person in authority said yes they could do it. (I was pretty much throwing my fleece out and saying Lord if these four things come through I will do this outreach) My four things were: Hot dogs, the heavy metal Christian band, the parking lot and the dancing team. The groups all said yes to me with in three days. Also in those three days we had received more hot dogs at the warehouse than I have ever seen come in. I was like okay Lord I will go through with this, when do you want it? I was search for a date in my head, November, December, maybe even January. But I had no peace with those months. Okay Lord what do you want? My mind went to October. The end of October to be exact!! "NO Lord that is too soon. Don't you know we are busy and this church is doing this or it would be hard to do that. Give me more time" But the peace remained for the end of October. All I could say was YES LORD YES.

I did everything I could getting arrangements ready, timing ready, people ready. During the first three weeks (Which I only had 4 weeks total) everything was running really smooth besides the fact that the youth dancing group couldn't make it but I knew of another one and they were pumped to go.

At the end of the third week I get an email from the Pastor letting us use their parking lot stating: I am sorry we are going to have to cancel your event we have a tree planting ceremony that day. I am sorry, if you want we can try this later.

I had to decline for the Lord said the end of the month and if He said the end of October I wasn't willing to be disobedient. During this time my pastors wife came up to me and said she wanted to introduce a Christian rapper to me that would love to outreach. I was stoked because I had wanted a rapper but only told one other person this who was in Stockton CA not Los Angeles CA. We talked and he was pumped too. Praise GOD!!! RIGHT??

So I pushed with everything I had to find a place to do this event at. The second place I found was a low-income apartment. It was too perfect . . . . . . . in my mind.

These people barely had food in their cupboards, they were from all different religions, and backgrounds, and some didn't have furniture in their apartments. I was blown away. To be able to bring the Love of Christ to them filled me with great Joy. And the park we were going to do it at was the center of these apartments and they had barbecues. My Lord, you did it again . . . So I believed with everything in me.

But four days later I get a call saying I am sorry this is too short notice we need more time to plan and we don't know you. But if you give us 2 weeks we will do this. Again I declined. I could not go against what God said about having it at the end of the months and two weeks would put us in November. Also I thought we need to plan, but everything is ready: Food, Music, People. What more could they want. OH well.

Again during this time Joel and I were in the car one night heading back from Church. I started speaking. “Joel I think one of reasons God wants us to do the event is because there is going to be a natural disaster happening and we need to give them Jesus so if they die they will be able to go into heaven.” I wanted to give more details but I thought it was sounding kind of funny and Joel would laugh at me. But it came to my mind later that a disaster would happen and we needed to give Jesus.

So for the next week I tried everything I could to find us a place to have the outreach. During that week the fires broke out in California.

Lord is this why we are having the outreach because of the natural disaster to reach out with your love??

Can I tell you I tried 10 to 20 places and all denied me. 90 percent said the same thing. If you would have told us sooner we would have done it but why don’t you push it back and we can still plan it and do this outreach together. My response for all NO THANKS.

The last saddest try was from a lady who said her church was ready for us they had a community center and fire evacuees ready to have the concert and eat the food we collected. They would have barbeques for us and everything. I asked her straight out, “IS this a FORSURE thing.” Oh yes it is already for you.

So I called the band they canceled on me saying it was too last minute down to the wire. The funny thing is nothing had changed. The date and time were the exact same just location was different. Again their response “But we will do it with you in the future” AHHHHHHHH

So I talked to my pastor two nights before the event was going to happen because that is when the band canceled on me. I said there is a for sure deal, in which we could help and minister to fire evacuees. He was pumped and excited and called everyone he knew from our church and different churches and got it all worked out. People were coming, the dance team plus a our churches singing group was coming. People were so EXCITED.

That night the lady calls and says what about you guys doing it in Mexico I said no thanks we want to do it where we had said originally.

The next day I email her my decline for Mexico and she writes back saying “Mexico was a back up plan if our original plan didn’t work”

WHAT, I THOUGHT THIS WAS FOR SURE!!!!

That afternoon a pastor from Mexico calls my pastor and me saying I am sorry you we have a small church and we can’t pull this event off. How could you think of asking us at such short notice why don’t you come to Mexico and do the outreach.

I was so mad. MAD MAD MAD MAD!!!! And hurt. SO I had to tell my pastor and he canceled everything. I was crushed. Embarrassed even ASHAMED. I actually wanted to die. I wanted to leave this earth and go to heaven already.

That night we had to go to a mandatory church service. I went but Joel and I hid from everyone. I still had peace but I was so ashamed. Thinking about everyone excited to help those who were hurt by the fire (emotionally as well as materially) How the teens were excited and had been ready. Oh it was a dark hour for me. I wanted to curl up and die.

The lady who had offered the community center earlier called me again and said there was a parking lot we could have with a shelter for fire evacuees down the road we just had to show up. My Friend checked to see if the shelter was open. The shelter was going to be closed the day we had planned to have the outreach. IT wasn’t going to open for evacuees until Monday. By that time everyone had canceled on me besides Friend Ships crew plus two people from church. There were 8 of us still game to helping with the fire. We knew God always did the impossible even if we stood on the side of the road with our barbecue, we knew God would be with us. And at this time even though we didn’t have any entertainment God had blessed us with 600 meals (hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs, pizza, and shredded chicken, all combined to service 600 meals)

What were we going to do with that???

In-between all of this there was a group from Washington State that had called Friend Ships saying they were going to bring down a team to feed people for the fire disaster. I had kept putting them to the side thinking maybe they were an option. They were going to feed first response people and fire men. I wanted to feed evacuees.

But in the end they turned out to be our only open door. We found out they only had 5 people feeding 1000 meals a day to marines, army, any military helping with the fire all firemen and more.

SO Sunday the 6 of us went, the other two are very involved with church and had obligations so they couldn't make it. We brought a huge truckload of food. Apples, cucumbers, grapes, bread and 600 meat meals, and the list goes on. We drove the Friend Ships truck down to where the church set up shop to feed the people.

Can I tell you I was disappointed because we didn’t minister to any one, one on one. But it was still good. The day before Friend Ships crew got there the Washington Church had fed a lot of fire men. The church team had served soup the day before we got there and the smoke had caused some firemen to have a sore throat that they couldn’t even swallow the soup .

John Bibler was one of the Friend Ships crew that came to help feed and he took me to an evacuation sight. I thought he meant a town that was evacuated and I could take pictures. OH NO, he meant a shelter. I was freaking out “John we can’t go in there, we don’t have permission” "OH COME ON," he said.

We went in with a huge box of flowers for the people the red cross volunteers were so touched and John asked if we could come in and do balloon animals for the kids. The people were happy for us to do this. I blew up the balloons and John made them into balloons animals. It was my favorite part of the whole outreach. The kids were so cute. Some of the people spoke Spanish and English. So there was this one little girl that John and I couldn’t understand so I thought she spoke Spanish. She would say something so I said “You want a bear” “NO” “You want a puppy” “NO” She was getting madder and madder and she was only 3 or 4 with this much anger. Wow. Finally I understood. “PUT IT AROUND ME” She wanted the balloon as a belt. So John made a dog head and put it around her little waist. She wanted another one around her waist, but there was no room since she was so little, so John put it on her head. She wasn’t impressed. Oh well.

Then there was another littler girl who was about 12 or 13 she had grabbed a huge thing of roses and was parading them around. She even had one of her friends taking pictures of her as if she had won a beauty contest. I was able to get a picture of her. She was so cute.

So what did I learn? I learned that I have to do what God says no matter if it works out or not. I am responsible for my own actions.

I learned that If you give a cup of water in Jesus name God is pleased so even if I didn’t minister to any one and tell them about Jesus I still gave a whole truck of food, a box of beautiful flowers, and blew up balloons for balloon animals all in the name of Jesus. Today I prayed for everyone that received food, flowers and balloon animals that they would all call on the name of Jesus and be saved.

I don’t understand what God is and was doing. I may never. But God is still my God and He is on the Throne. I will not take Him off. Though I am hurt and still working through things I know God spoke clearly to me and even though things didn’t turn out either because God wanted it to end the way it did or because people said no to God I know it is okay because God was with me the whole time. I still haven’t faced my church and I dread it though it was out of my control. I still feel ashamed.

The Lord is my God. The rain falls on the Just and the unjust, and the sun rises on the good and the evil. Bad things will happen in this life but never stop loving or obeying God.

Gods little servant,

Dess

Cheesecake and Jesus

Sorry It has been so long since writting. Life is getting crazier and crazier.

SO my parents came down for my Birthday and to spend the week with Joel and I. The worked with us and helped up give out food on food ministry day. It was so much fun and miracle after mircles happened while they were with us.

During the week we got a call that one of our food contacts had plums for us so Mom and I jumped in the truck and headed for the Food Bank and we picked up 6 tri-wall bins of plums. Wow

But on Thursday we received word that the rest of our food contacts didn’t have anything for us (THIS IS VERY USUAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REPEAT VERY UNUSUAL). So all we had for Friday Food Ministry Day was plums, a half of pallet of grapefruit and a half pallet of pears that we had from the week before and of course bread. It was so disappointing for one reason only: my parents were here and I wanted them to see the food ministry in full action. Otherwise it would have been fine to have what we did.

On Thursday Port Mercy (our Home base in Louisiana) called to give me a list of food items they needed for there upcoming medical mission in October. Two of the items were pies and cheesecake. They wanted Ray to try and contact our sources for those two items. I went to Ray and asked if he would contact his cheesecake company. Ray’s Response “We haven’t had a cheesecake contact since ’93.” “Well can you call your Pie Contact.” “Dess do you know how impossible that is. I can call the guy 50 times and he still won’t return my call. I had even called him last week and I still haven’t received a call back.” “Ray just call to at least say we tried, Please!!!!” I begged.

10 Minutes later “Dess you will never believe this I just called my Pie contact and the guy actually picked up the phone and said they have 6 pallets of pies for us.” Ray was in full shock. Flabbergasted you could say.

45 Minutes later on our answering machine “Uh Yes this is Ashley calling for Ray George, at the food bank we have cheesecake if you guys would come pick it up.” So whatever word would describe more than flabbergasted, that is what Ray was for the rest of the day while he and I went around picking up all the goodies.

So Ray and I went to the food bank not knowing how much cheesecake they had and we found out they had 20 pallets of the wonderful stuff. We ended up picking up 8 pallets. We were able to put a lot of cheesecake and pie away for Lake Charles as well having some to give out for Friday. Can I tell you we never even mentioned to the Food Bank we wanted cheesecake? It had only been an hour or more since I had talked to Port Mercy that the Food Bank then called OUT OF THE BLUE and said they had cheesecake for us. So Not only did God answer our prayers for the mission trip but we had a huge blessing for the food ministry and my parents could see more of what we did. God is so Good.

But just to add a little more humor to this praise report. The day we received all the pies and cheesecakes my parents took Joel and I out for my birthday. And they told the waiter it was my birthday. I was like “oh no they are going to sing to me.” But Praise God they didn’t and they did bring dessert. I am sure you can guess what they brought: CHEESECAKE.Thank you Lord for not only supplying our wants but in abundance.

Wow and my parents were blown away when we gave out the food to the groups, churches, and individuals. But my parents were more blown away by the prayer that each group recieves as they came to get the food.

It was so wonderful having my parents here. It was really sad to see them go.

So life here is hard but good. It is just like weight lifting. You have a goal of lifting as much weight as possible but you don't just go over to the heaviest weight and lift it. NO NO NO. You work up and push your self further each week. That is what I feel has happened over the last 4 years. GOd has been working us up to us being here as well as future things God has for us. And each time it was harder but God made us stronger and now that we are here it is REALLY REALLY REALLY hard but we have the strength to do it. Now if you would have given us this mission 4 years ago I would have probably of walked away from it along time ago. But praise God He knows what is best for us and will prepare us if we let Him.

It is hard in that we don't have friends here. Sure we talk to people all the time. But no one we can just share what we are truly going through. We need companionship. I am sure missing a friend. Some one that will understand me and pray with me and encourage me in the Lord. Most of the people we talk to, we are encouraging them in the Lord and they don't understand what we go through. There was one time I tried to share what I was going through with a lady that picks up from us. She kind of freaked out and didn't understand and then told almost everyone we give to what I was going through. Now a lot of people are coming up to me and telling me rumors they have heard. SO I have come to the conclusion that the people we give food to we can't confide in because we are the ones they look up to and need prayer from. So who is there. No one at this time. God and Joel are my only friends. But it may just be a season where God wants me all to himself. It happens. It has happened before, it can be now. God is trully all I need and will not hold anything good back from me. So I just lean on Jesus and say AMEN.

SO here are some pics of the food ministry.

HOPE CHAPEL PRAYING BEFORE GIVING OUT FOOD

LADIES FROM A CHURCH PRAYING FOR A WOMAN
BOXING PLUMS

A GRANDMOTHER AND CHILD RECIEVING FOOD

Love y'all,

Dess

Off the Hook at Stockton

Being at Stockton was off the Hook. And I almost didn't go last weekend because it was so last minute. But thanks to God giving me Peace and Joel encouraging me to go, I went. Yeah it took 6 hours but it didnt' seem that long on the way there.

I was able to stay with my closest friend Toni. Who has four wonderful fun Teens. Well 3 are teens the youngest is almost a teen. Yikes. Go Toni.

But Church, that is where I got my PRAISE ON. Oh I was so refreshed. I got my Praise on like no other. I hadn't got my praise on like that in a long time. I Praise God So hard that by the second service, after the second praise and worship with singing, I stank. I mean I was so sweety. I was a mess and I could smell myself. I felt bad for the people around me. My shirt I wore was drenched in sweet and I drank most of my water bottle by first service. It was that good. I can't wait to go back and I can't wait to move there some day.

The message was awesome. I love Pastor Rufus's Preaching. The message was "The Crowd" There was two parts. One you can be outside the crowd and they can try to contol you. The example was the blind begger yelling to Jesus but their was a loud crowd making noise around Jesus. And the begger yelled, "Jesus son of God have mercy on me." But the crowd hushed him, telling him to be quiet. SO what did the begger do he yelled louder and again. Jesus son of God have mercy on me. So when Jesus healed the begger the man got up and started following Jesus and priasing God. So what did the crowd do, they stopped making noise and started praise God. So to learn from that. The crowd can be your friend or foe. And if you don't do what the crowd wants you to do they will try to control the situation.

Second crowd example is that the crowd can blind you and keep you from seeing what is around you. Like when zechias (spell?) was trying to get to Jesus but he was short and their was a crowd around Jesus. So zechias climb the tree and called out to Jesus and in the end after zechias talked with Jesus and said he would do right Jesus said "Salvation has come to your house now I am going to go to your house and dine with you" Well the crowd didn't like that and said "That is a sinner Jesus is going to eat with"

SO Pastor Rufus put us in Jesus's shoes. That the crowd was blinding Jesus from zechias. And that as christians our "christian" clique can blind us from those that are not saved and need God. And some times we have to pull away from the crowd to reach out to the unsaved because we are way to comfortable in our christian "clique"

It was good and it ministered to me. I needed that message. I realized even more that I let the crowd control some of my actions when instead I need to step out and do what I feel the Holy Spirit is leading me to do.

So Church was awesome I didn't want to leave. And I pretty muched cried the entire time I was in church because I was so happy to be there. Praise God he gave me a chance to visit.

Well that is all. Love ya'll
Be Blessed and Don't Follow or be blinded by the Crowd!!!!

Home Alone

Hi Everyboby,

Well, i'm writing for a change. I'm writing mostly because Dess is out of town for the weekend and i'm bored. I've been playing my computer game for hours on end, and now i need to do something more productive, like write on the blog.

First off, i want to mention the fact that no one has commented to Dess' latest posts. We need some feedback and input from you guys to help us know that writing on this blog is worthwhile. So we appreciate any sort of encouragement to write that we get.

Like i said, Dess is gone for the weekend. She left for Stockton, CA on Saturday morning. It was last minute but planned at the same time. She had been trying to get to Stockton for the past couple of months but stuff kept coming up. Then this weekend she had hoped to go but we found out short notice that we were having some visitors to the warehouse. So the visitors postponed on Friday evening saying they would come later in the week and Dess decided she would go to Stockton. She may write and post some pictures about it when she gets back.

I haven't been doing a lot. I bought some cheap old roller blades from Salvation Army last weekend, so i've turned the 3rd floor into a roller rink. I've got a decent sized oval track that i can do laps. I even take Dynamite with me and he follows along, biting at a piece of rope i drag behind me. It's a good work out for him and it's fun for me.

Dess mentioned about how things have been tough. It's been an emotional fatiguing time for us. I've been numb to the world around me lately and i need to get back in tune with things.

I don't really have much to write about right now, so i'll sign off.

joel

Check out our Flickr site!!!!

Hey AlSO!!! Check out our flickr site. www.flickr.com/photos/butlerboy
Joel just put some new photos up. SO Check them out!!!

Pure Gold for Jesus!!!

The saying is true that you should be careful what you ask/hope/pray for you might just get it. (in my case I prayed and got what I wanted but not in the way I thought it would come)

So God has seemed very distant lately. I blamed myself mostly. I mean there is only two things that can keep us at a distant with God.

1) Ourselves. We can get distracted, our thoughts can be so horrible it can keep us from the presense of God, our actions, so you get the point

2) Then there is God. Some times or as Kippin likes to say some "Seasons" God will draw back from us to grow. Kind of like when you are learning how to ride a bike. My Dad would hold the bike while I was peddling and at one point he let go so I could learn on my own how to ride the thing. I freaked out and nearly wrecked when I found out he wasn't holding my bike any longer. Some times God will let Go so that we can walk out whatever the thing is in our lives to grow more.

Well lately I have been crying out for more of My heavenly Father. He has just felt so far away. So dry. Even when I worship with music I don't feel his presense.

My First reaction is to blame myself and I would say for the most part it has been my (Dad butler saying) "Stinkin THINKIN" I have been moody with my thoughts and complaining. Goodness. I am like the Israelites in the desert. Complain complain complain. As Joyce Meyer's would say. Complain and Remain. Praise and Be Raised. SO true. Sounds like it is so nerd thing to say but I can't tell you how true that is.

So things have been hard with Joel and I. Who knows why, it just has. But it has brought me to my knees. I casted my cares on Jesus. My Marriage, my dreams of marriage, and I casted Joel. For it takes two but I can't control Joel and he can't control me. So just to give my marraige over to Christ instead of me trying to take the wheel and screw up. So Here Lord I give it to you.

Also it has been hard at the warehouse. People are offended here. There is nothing we can really do about it but again it is to my knees these situations bring. I take it to the cross where Jesus conquered all. You know some times I don't feel like "more than a conquerer" but we are. That is what the bible says so it must be true and it is true. Again I cast my cares on you father God for you care for me.

Then there is interpersonal communication. (aka interaction with other people) Yikes again more casting it to God. Giving him my thoughts and actions. Praying he would help me put all my thoughts under CHrist control so I do not screw up my mood.

Because this is how it goes. You first have your thoughts. Which create an emotion which then lead to a behavior then the results.

So 1) Thoughts 2) emotion 3) behavior 4) results. Well I made the 4th one up I forgot what I was taught but the first three are true. SO inorder to put my actions pleasing to God I must first commit my thoughts to God. Then the rest will follow.

So things are hard here lately but I praise God they are because for the first time in who knows how long I feel closer to God. On Tuesday I went to church and for the first time in a long time when we worshipped with Music I could feel the presense of God again. So I do thank him for Trials. They aren't fun but they are worth all the Gold in the world for that is what happens when the refining fire (Jesus) comes, it makes us into pure gold for Him.

Turning into Pure Gold for Jesus,
Dess

Just wanted to Check in

Hey Ya'll,

Things here are really good. It is only the beginning of the week and we have 5 pallets of Pomagranet Juice, 1 pallet of artichokes, 1 pallet of radishes and 3 tri-wall boxes of plums. Tomorrow are getting 3 to 4 pallets of Yogurt.

This is exciting. To get all this free food to give it freely to the churches so they can freely give it to those in need and share Christ love. I love it.

But you know there is a downer (some of the time) Because I want to be the one praying with people and giving the food to those that need it and making sure I am Kingdom building. But that is not what JOel and I are called to do (at this moment) So we pray and trust that the churches are not just giving food out but are praying and loving on the unloveable. Those that have been rejected by society. Or just those that are in need in this season in their life. That aren't rejects but have hit a few bumps on this road called life which God has given to us as a free gift.

And who knows when we have our own food ministry that we won't have a group of our own volunteers go out and pass out food as well as other groups or organizations or individuals passing out food. You never know. IT has been in my thoughts that we could have people from around the area from different churches be trained by us and they would be considered "our" volunteers who would go out and show the love of Christ but would also invite them to their church as well. It is just a thought. Whether it is my own thoughts or a promting from the Holy Spirit, I don't know. Because the Holy Spirit does give us ideas at times. So that we might do good work for Christ which has been planned ahead of time for us to do. (paraphrase to the max, but you get the point)

YOu know I am learning more and more that there are three factors to our thinking. There is us (of course) there is God giving us thoughts, and there is Satan. Some times we don't know if it is God's doing or Satans doing until time has passed.

For an example parable whatever to help get your mind wrapped around what I am saying. Lets say I am trying to get pregnant (Which I am not, please keep in mind this is an example and not my life) So lets say I am trying to get pregnant. One day I get sick. I throw up. And I keep throwing up. I start to think am I sick or am I pregnant. Only time will tell. Same with God and Satan at times. Because Satan does mimick God . . . .. . . A LOT. Is this God or is this Satan. SO any way. I am just rambling but this is what I have been thinking about lately.

Well that is it from me. It is not much. But there is not much going on.
Be Blessed My Friends and Fam.
Dess