Almost Sane, eh?

Here's the scoop,

Life is passing by around me and i'm just trying to get up the courage to jump into the stream. I still like i'm caught in a miry pit. I haven't found my way out yet. But i'm trusting in God and i know that he'll lift me out just as he promised me he would.

It seems that i'm not the only around here who has lost their sense of reason for being here. Matt, my fellow engineering buddy, calls the disease to these symptoms "Motivational Infartion". The symptoms are tiredness and lack of motivation/direction, boredom, shamelessness, etc. He figures there are two things that bring about these feelings. First is what you are doing. For me, i'm cleaning drains, working on boats, swimming in sewage, and other not so pleasant jobs. Second is the reason for why you are doing what you're doing. Originally, my reason was a desire to serve God (sounds noble doesn't it?) But lately, it's more because i feel God called me here for 7 years and i stay because i'm either extremely obedient or aboundingly stubborn. Personally, i think i'm a little bit of both.

So when i see that i'm not excited about what i'm doing and have lost the heart of why i'm doing it, i'm left feeling lost and tired. I feel like i'm close to getting this stage of my life worked out and over with. I seems like i've been in this pit forever, but know that it really started to get bad in January when Dess and i returned from vacation.

The solution? Well, on Monday i'm supposed to have a meeting with Mary and she's got something which she thinks i may enjoy doing. She calls it the carrot which she will dangle in front of me. So, i'm waiting expectantly to see what she's got up her sleeve. Hopefully this will solve the problem of what i'm doing. Then, it's up to me to find peace in obedience or to find a renewed heart of joy in serving God at Friend Ships.

That's the latest in my life. Thanks for reading and making encouraging comments.
'night,
joel